Aftersun

This movie was so beautiful. It was slow paced yet heart breaking. I felt like a shard was moving through me - inching deeper inside my chest as the movie progressed. Mescal's sobbing sounded so familiar to my own, I was shocked. The swallowing noise as you try to stifle the sobs into something quieter, something more hidden, made the movie feel more real.

Aftersun shows a young father and his daughter on a holiday at a resort the eve of his birthday. The daughter focuses on the experience and memories, not seeing the emotions her father was struggling through. Calum shows Sophie a different side compared to when he is alone, one that she would not need to worry about and one she never suspects until two decades later when she is grown and has a child of her own. Calum dances, encourages Sophie to interact with other people and to participate in fun activities. He tries to teach her things he knows he won't have time to show her another time, such as self defense, making friends and sharing her thoughts and feelings.

During the club scene, an adult Sophie is shouting at a young Calum who dances, seemingly care free. She is upset that he is hiding behind a mask, keeping his pain a secret from her even though she was a child. She never knew and therefore never understood why her father did what he did (whether that be leaving or killing himself) until it no longer mattered.

Despite the ambiguous ending, I personally feel like Calum killed himself. We see so many moments of him being involved in dangerous acts. I think he is able to pull himself out of that drowning feeling, even if for a little, while Sophie is with him, but when she leaves to be with her mother, he sinks too deep until he eventually could not pull himself out. There are things that we, as children, can do for our parents. They do not feel like they can share those dark thoughts with their children because they are only children. Even if we get upset that they kept quiet, what could we even do?

Children have their parents but who do our parents have when we cannot understand?