A Minecraft Movie Reviews

Nobody clapped at the Technoblade reference…

And they clapped 10 times… to bullshit, they clapped at bullshit.

No, the room wasn’t filled with children, it was filled with something else, something vile…

I’m not even gonna be that mean, let’s just close our eyes for the designs of everything overall.

The story is complete garbage, the team probably played a collective of 2 hours and then said “yep, we get the concept”
They had a basic 3 act… hard to get wrong, they got it fucking wrong…

THE GREENSCREEN IS BAD, LIKE BAD BAD

Characters are terrible too, Jack Black made some of the best comedy family friendly movies and this is what he’s doing now???

The kid, I don’t want comments saying he’s just a kid, he’ll learn, there are kids who act so fucking well, I literally just saw adolescence, and this is who they fucking cast!?!?!?

Don’t even get me started on Jason Mamoa, he’s there with the rock, ass.

The sister is just there.

The lady is a cheap excuse to be inclusive, you could have given her something, instead, she was just placed to show face in posters. That’s some racist bs that they displayed there.

EDIT: so people who don’t know how to read don’t get this wrong. ( I am saying, lady could’ve had an actual useful role, Corporate put her there because they need a token to not be called out).

And Danielle Brooks has been placed in some of the best goddamn projects too bro… The Piano lessons, The color purple, Peacemaker and other projects.
Fuck she might be the only skilled actress since what I’ve seen from jack black who seems to have forgotten how to do it

Hopefully I don’t get accused of racism again because someone is unable to read…

There is nothing redeeming about this movie.

They basically used mods for a Minecraft movie but Xbox and PlayStation can’t get mods…

EDIT: just google the difference between mods and addons before starting an argument, just please do it.

It was weirdly inappropriate for a kids movie, I thought it was funny, they were pushing it at a point.

This movie is an insult to the game a grew up with.

An insult to filmmaking itself.

And an insult to life.

I loved the sex between Jennifer Collige and the Villager! Plot was amazing, just a little confused about the yaoi

CHICKEN JOCKEY

(Intro) I AM STEVE 🔥🔥🗣🗣🗣‼️
(Body 1) THE NETHER‼️‼️🥀🥀
(Body 2) FLINT AND STEEL 🔥🔥🗣🗣
(Body 3) CHICKEN JOCKEY💥🐔🐔
(Conclusion) FIRST WE MINE, THEN WE CRAFT.... MINECRAFT 🥀🥀🗣🗣‼️‼️

How it feels to be lookin at that cave and feeling kinda brave 💔💔💔

Best Movie Ever Made (no)

This was the greatest piece of media I have ever seen and will ever see. My life peaked in that movie theater and it's all downhill from here. This movie was the embodiment of perfection and it literally changed my life. I will
now become a Tibetan monk and change for the best

Probably the funniest thing I’ve seen all year I think Steve and Gar Gar were in love

BRUH I LOVED IT MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD. so nostalgic and so funny. the theaters passed the vibe check and applauded like every 10 min. def recommend.

I should’ve been paid to watch this

This movie was a war crime. I’m in complete disbelief of what I just saw. Overtly sexual, next to 0 plot, no continuity. Laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe. I recommend this movie to every person who walks the earth. I hated this so much that I loved every bit of it. 10/10

Absolute slop. Unfortunately the TikTok zoomers are going to eat it up.

For paying to watch this movie in theaters and therefore supporting it, I am deeply sorry.

It was good but couldn’t have been done better


The writing was very slow which made it feel a bit boring.
The soundtrack was the biggest let down there were so meany points where there could have been better songs.

“FLINT & STEEL”

Nostalgia bait and every movie trope known to man condensed into one heaping pile of trash. The movie was doomed from the start and I would recommend morbius over this any day.

the worst theater experience of my life but a fun movie nonetheless

HOT LAVA N CHICKEN

It wasn’t even that bad bruh

Finding out this was a parody/spoof felt like pouring lava onto chicken. Horrifying, but also chicken nuggets...so? It feels like pre-production was set in a more serious tone until there was too much Minecraft, so the yearning yielded. A high-budget Hollywood adaptation of a monumentally historic video game...and a misfit cast...and strange, silly writing...and a chicken jockey. Either way, I giggled and reminisced, so I'm enderman-ing a sequel. Also, Jack Black single-handedly carries the entire server on his bare behind. He really is Steve.

Extra punten voor de 4D experience