The Faculty

HIGHKEY everyone in this movie can get it. Wow. Talk about 90s fine. This movie is the EPITOME of 90s fine. Y’all, my bisexual ass was EATING. 😭

Okay, onto the actual review.

I genuinely enjoyed The Faculty way more than I thought I would. What initially drew me in was the insanely stacked cast, but I honestly expected this to be some shitty-ass 90s sci-fi movie. And technically? I wasn’t completely wrong. 💀 The CGI is kinda buns, the dialogue can be ridiculous, it’s way too sexual, and the whole thing has this wonderfully dated 90s quality to it. BUT THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT WORK. It’s so campy that all of its flaws somehow make the movie even more entertaining.

The concept itself is genuinely hilarious when you really think about it. A group of teenagers discovers that their teachers are being taken over by alien parasites, and the only way to prove they’re still human is by doing basically cocaine because the drug kills the aliens. 😭😭😭 Like, who came up with that??? Beautiful. Cinema.

I also genuinely liked the romance between Stokely (Clea DuVall) and Stan (Shawn Hatosy). Jock x weird girl does it for me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I don’t care how many times Hollywood uses that dynamic. I will eat that shit up every time. Their relationship was actually really sweet, too, especially considering how much Stokely pushes people away.

That being said, I really didn’t like Delilah (Jordana Brewster). And yes, I KNOW we’re obviously not supposed to like her, but honestly? She was kind of a bitch BEFORE that damn parasite got inside her. 😭 So when she ended up with Casey (Elijah Wood) at the end, I was sitting there like… really, Casey? HER? I’m sorry, but I simply could not get behind that. Like YES she’s fine as shit but she’s a BITCH. 🫡

Also, I’m gonna be real: Stokely (Clea DuVall) was DEFINITELY gay. At the absolute bare minimum, bisexual. I will not be taking questions at this time. And Marybeth (Laura Harris)? That alien queen was looking at Stokely like she NEEDED her. 😭 And honestly? I don’t blame her because I NEED ALL OF THAT TOO. Every single person in this cast can get it.

And then there’s Zeke (Josh Hartnett) having a whole romance situation with his teacher Ms. Burke (Famke Janssen), who is literally JEAN GREY. 😭 Like, the fact that Josh Hartnett has a romance with Famke Janssen in this horny 90s sci-fi movie is killing me. What kind of insane decision is that? What kills me too is them justifying it by being like oh he failed senior year GIRL THATS AT BEST A 19 YEAR OLD 💀. And yk what I loved it. Like, that’s SO fucking crazy and weird it’s hilarious.

Overall, The Faculty is one of those movies where the execution is objectively kind of ridiculous, but the ridiculousness is exactly what makes it so much fun. It has a genuinely cool sci-fi premise, a fun mystery, great character dynamics, questionable CGI, and enough sexual tension to power the entire alien invasion.

If you’re in the mood for a 90s sci-fi camp movie that’s ironically good, aggressively horny, wildly casted, and somehow about doing cocaine to prove you’re not an alien, watch this shit immediately.

Or maybe watch it if you’re horny. I don’t know. 🤷‍♀️😭